Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
