At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
