sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
