In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
