its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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