...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
