you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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