I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize