It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
