Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
