Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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