I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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