I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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