I can text with my tongue
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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