can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize