I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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