Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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