he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
