After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
im on a boat
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