i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
