yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize