Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
