I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
