$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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