i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
