Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
