i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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