u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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