there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
