It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize