It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
