I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
