oh god the rape fog is back!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
