all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
