Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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