we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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