he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
