I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
