I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize