puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
