seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
