I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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