I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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