What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
