I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
