Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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