First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
