Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
BRING THE BAGELS
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
