apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
