I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize