I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
