apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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