i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
