I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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