I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
