Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
