soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
