come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize