I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
