how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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