I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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