I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
