Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
