So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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