Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's how pantless uber rides happen
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
