Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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