You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
