A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
