She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
