I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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