filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
