Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
