I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
