It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think i have two assholes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
