More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
