Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
