Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry about my life...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
