Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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