at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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