i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize