you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
