I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
