Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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