I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
