He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
